I constantly feel like a terrible mother for having a hard time seeing you in the NICU. If I’m not there, I know they would call me if anything bad were to happen. By that same measure, if I don’t see you then it’s like I can pretend that none of this is happening and you’re still kicking away inside of me, happy and healthy.
I find myself dreading waking up to pump. Dreading getting out of the bed in the mornings. Dread walking to see you only to be told you’re there another day. I think the only thing I dread more than you not coming home, is when you do come home and I have to do all of this on my own because your dad won’t can’t help me.
Impatiently Waiting 